humor Archives - Italy Travel Planner | Consultant | Once In a Lifetime Travel

A Little Coffee Goes a Long Way

Andi Brown — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 16:31:35 +0000

Efficient Autostradas cross Italy from top to bottom and east to west. These super highways are (for the most part) well maintained and make covering longer distances easy. But they aren’t free.

The Autostradas in Italy are toll roads. This means that you pay to use them. That rate is calculated by distance traveled. Before entering the freeway, you are given a ticket from a toll booth that marks your starting point. On exiting, you give this ticket back and your balance due is calculated.

This ticket is everything.

Several years ago, I spent time exploring the Basilicata and Puglia regions in Southern Italy. This part of Italy had completely won me over but there were obvious differences from the areas I knew in the north.

Places like Tuscany are a well oiled tourism machines. In contrast, I found tourism as more of an afterthought in many areas I had just visited. I gave myself a headache in Matera trying to decode the erratic opening times of the churches that I wanted to visit. There was no urgency or concern that the schedules might be hindering visitors’ experiences.

Pondering all that I had learned and how I would incorporate this into giving my clients the best possible experiences here, I found myself entering the autostrada.

But where was the toll booth? Where would I get my ticket?? There was absolutely nothing there. I had no choice but to keep driving and deal with this down the road.

My time on the southern freeway finally came to an end just south of Naples. I meekly pulled up to the tollbooth and rolled down my window. With empty hands held forward I simply stated, ‘No ticket.’

No ticket?? (the astonished response)

No. No ticket. (my straightforward answer)

Ahh…no ticket. (a sigh and knowing nod)

Espresso?

Si. Espresso. (is this for real?)

He reached across his window to mine holding a small, piping hot to go cup. We locked eyes, lifted our little cups in the air and threw back the coffee in one gulp.

Va bene?

Yes, indeed. That was good.

I drove on, smiling all the way back to Tuscany.

Who we are:

Once in a Lifetime Travel is a passionately run company focused on mindful and fearless travel through authentic experiences and connections. We feature small, fully

guided group tours to Italy for women

. Our

Italian travel consultant

services feature focused itinerary reviews and detailed

Italy travel planning.

Go Travel, and Travel Fearless.

The post A Little Coffee Goes a Long Way appeared first on Italy Travel Planner | Consultant | Once In a Lifetime Travel.

The Rip Off

Andi Brown — Mon, 28 Jan 2019 23:44:22 +0000

Over the years of traveling, I have been duped on more than one occasion. Each time I’ve learned from my mistakes and grown quite street savvy.

Using my past experiences, I help steer my clients clear of any negative situations.

I have become scam proof.

My last trip to Italy, I was preparing to drop my rental car off at the Rome airport late in the evening. All I had left to do was top off the tank. Gas stations line the roads around the airport making a final fill up very easy. The rates are higher but worth the convenience at this time of the night.

I pulled my sweet ride into the first station spotted. The attendant popped his head into my window, scanned the gas gauge and announced flatly, 20€.

Thank you but no, please fill up the tank.

No fill up. 20€ cash only, he replied.

Are you kidding me? I stood my ground. So did he.

He obviously he no idea who he was dealing with. Not a chance big guy.

I took off down the road full of disgust wondering how many poor travelers had fallen for this appalling sham.

Easing into the very next station, the attendant came to my window and I requested once again to fill up the tank.

He leaned in, glanced at my gauge.

No fill up. 20€ cash only.

What is the great green blazes was going on here. 20€ cash my eye. Nice try boys.

As I ripped out of station number two, the thought crossed my mind that perhaps I was not a pawn in an elaborate airport fueling scheme. Could this indeed be the process when you waited until the last minute to fill up as I had done? I drove further down the road, passing several stations before meekly turning into station number three.

Before the attendant could finish he sentence, I handed over a 20€ note. The gauge promptly pointed to full. Right on the money.

The ride to Hertz was one of humble reflection ending with near uncontrollable laughter.

Maybe I should stick to two wheels.

Who we are:

Once in a Lifetime Travel is a passionately run company focused on mindful and fearless travel through authentic experiences and connections. We feature small, fully

guided group tours to Italy for women

. Our

Italian travel consultant

services feature focused itinerary reviews and detailed

Italy travel planning.

Go Travel, and Travel Fearless.

The post The Rip Off appeared first on Italy Travel Planner | Consultant | Once In a Lifetime Travel.

Never listen to your dad

Andi Brown — Sun, 13 Jan 2019 12:25:22 +0000

I am just going to start off with a bang, rip the band-aid off and expose my darkest skeleton in the closet. Declare my worst travel mistake. Ever.

So. There was this one time, at the Bahamas. I didn’t bring my passport.

Not forgot my passport. Or lost my passport. No, I purposely tucked it back into the file cabinet for safe keeping while I headed to the airport for an all-inclusive vacation.

I blame my father.

In all my years growing up at home and beyond, I rarely listened to my dad. What teenager in their right mind would? We all understood adults knew very little if anything. Summed up perfectly by a bumper sticker: Hire a teenager while they still know everything. That was me and my dad.

Why I chose to trust my dad for one fleeting moment as I was packing for my trip is beyond me, and my mom quite frankly.

Oh no! We never take our passports to the Bahamas.

Really? You don’t?

Oh no, never have. Never needed to.

I wish I could say this happened early in my life, before I was a seasoned and experienced travel. Maybe back in the good old days when we could practically walk our loved ones to their seats on the plane and taking your shoes off for security was unheard of.

No. This was 2009. I was 35.

My occupation? A travel planner. I helped people travel across the ocean to experience other cultures.

I stood paralyzed in front of that check-in kiosk, the machine anxiously waiting to scan my passport. The same passport that was tucked away at that very moment, safe and sound back home hundreds of miles away. I could only think of one thing.

Why did I pick now to listen to my dad?

Who we are:

Once in a Lifetime Travel is a passionately run company focused on mindful and fearless travel through authentic experiences and connections. We feature small, fully

guided group tours to Italy for women

. Our

Italian travel consultant

services feature focused itinerary reviews and detailed

Italy travel planning.

Go Travel, and Travel Fearless.

The post Never listen to your dad appeared first on Italy Travel Planner | Consultant | Once In a Lifetime Travel.

Top Ten: Embarrassing Travel Moments in Italy

Andi Brown — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:04:57 +0000

It is only fair that I include my personal top ten embarrassing travel moments after poking fun of others. Ready or not here they are, and a third of them have to do with poo. I apologize ahead of time.

10. On a night train from Brindisi to Venice (when I was a teva wearing college backpacker) a very intoxicated older man slipped into our sleeping car and proceeded to try and feel me up. I gave him the benefit of the doubt due to his state the first time and politely moved his hand. The second time he grabbed my butt I kicked him in the face.

9. I found a passport on the ground in Rome and spent the next several days feeling smug wondering if poor Sheila ever made it out of the country. When I went to check in at my next accommodation, I realized I had left mine in the lobby of our previous B&B. Not so smug anymore was I.

8. Being related to my parents who bum-rushed the train from Rome to Florence, pushing and shoving everyone out of their way (with their luggage) in a hurry to find seats together. They figured out too late that their seats were actually assigned.

The guilty party.

7. I didn’t realize there is etiquette on a train when it comes to using the loo. I found myself taking a poop in the middle of a station as the train made a painfully long stop.

6. At a restaurant I had to use the one and only bathroom on the premises (and yes, it was a #2 again). To my horror I absolutely could not figure out how to flush the damn thing. I gave up and went to leave….bumping into a very handsome gentleman heading in to use the facilities after me. Check please!

5. Too late I realized there was not a square of toilet paper in the bathroom and I was without my trusty multi-purpose guidebook pages. I had no choice but to use my favorite pair of polka dot underwear.

4. After enjoying a splurge at a restaurant in Rome I went to the bathroom to…..just kidding! I looked over the bill and saw that the tip was included so I did what I had been told to do and rounded up the total. The waiter seeing that I had not given a second tip started throwing a tantrum and flapping the receipt all over the restaurant. Horrified I threw him some money and ran out. To this day I have no idea what happened.

3. I rented my car…..for the wrong month. Worse yet, it was for my tour group.

2. I blame Rick Steves for this one. On my backpacking college trip I took his Italian Phrase Book which had a fun section with things to say that were a little off the cuff; fun slang and curse words to break the ice with the locals. One word we really latched on to was stronzo, the definition said it meant a dried hard piece of poo (I again apologize. I’m a mother of 3 and a nurse, poo is a way of life for me). We yelled it out at random times, more so when intoxicated. One night, while watching the World Cup with some local friends we had recently made, we used our new word. The crowd became silent and all eyes were on us. Evidently dried hard piece of poo is putting it nicely. We never uttered that word again.

1. My friend and I decided to try and take an earlier train out of Rome but the line for tickets had taken forever. We had no choice but to run for it (backpacks and all). Just as we were about to climb the stairs to our platform, my friend slipped and fell backwards. The weight of her pack prevented her from getting up and she literally looked like an upended tortoise. I got her back on her feet and we went screaming up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Red faced and breathless we were greeted with disapproving stares. To my confusion, there was no train on the platform and everyone seemed to be just milling about. I noticed the reader board. One word. Ritardo. Late. Aahh Italy.

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